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[04 May 2007|12:37am] |
I'm not stupid.
I just need to hear it from you, and not have to tell you to say it.
5 words;
I don't like you anymore.
I never have liked you.
We will never be together.
Tamara, please, just give up.
Choose.
Because ignoring me wont make me go away.
It just hurts too much.
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[24 Apr 2007|07:54pm] |
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music |
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My Morning Jacket |
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I honestly do not know why you do this.
What do you get from it?
Why say sorry and continue?
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[22 Apr 2007|12:56pm] |
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i just hope that one day i wake up and the answer will be apparent.
no more searching.
i will just know.
but honestly, c'mon brain, sooner rather than later please.
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[15 Apr 2007|09:51pm] |
Restless days lead to restless nights.
The unpacking of things at 2am, the cleaning, the removal of objects but never memories. Moments.
Weighing up pros.
Cons.
Endlessly.
All I can think about is getting a ticket and landing in your arms.
I miss you to the ends of the Earth.
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[12 Apr 2007|11:02am] |
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sacrifice.
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[08 Apr 2007|10:54pm] |
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Look how the light creeps across your skin.
It reminds me of that song.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Like you really didn't know. We both listened to the album non stop throughout the winter and lyrics appeared, dancing on the pages of journals and diarys written. I was holding out. I knew why I couldn't meet boys, why I couldnt even kiss them. From that one night after I was 'in with the band', I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were a mystery, one I was all too keen to unravel. Who? Who? Who is this boy? I don't know. Then I saw the show of the band that is in both of our 'top 5'. Thinking I would see you, I never did. For the first time I brought a ticket off a scalper and tried to see you afterwards. It was like the mid 80's all over again. No one with a phone, pursuits through the night. Remember the club, with the lit up dancfloor and how you watched me dance? I remember watching you, wishing I had all the courage to just give you one kiss. I had to wait 6 months for this oppertunity. It was worth it. Damp, cold nights, tin sheds and awkward moments. Meeting up with friends, I will get another chance. I was so scared after the Friday that things would crumble. Spring. I have never felt so foolish. But you remember the night. The top end, to the bottom, in the middle and how I nearly fell off. The window and balcony. Scum. I wanted to feel alive, but I had never felt so empty. Cleansing of dreams, vanishing you from my system. Stupid. It could not happen. Best friends with ex lovers and finding out all the things I don't know about you. Tears on phone calls and angst. I didnt want to get off the train to be dissapointed by someone I had admired for over a year. And it wasent even bad. Photos, new houses, weird shopping centres. Making me pick the movie, worst, desision, ever. Children should be spanked. Eyes, eyes. More moments wanted with laying in your bed for 5 hours whilst you stand across the road, serving. Thinking about you, dreaming about you. Meeting up with you. Doing everything all over again. Hurt me as much as anyone ever could? Possibly. Foolish? Possibly. Willing to try? I am your lifetime garentee. Saturday. One week ago. Be with you. To be with you. Outside cold. Could not believe my ears. The waiting for the bus. How much I adore you. Memories that wind so tightly. Interconnection. One day, we will meet at the place where people travel great distances. One day we will meet in this city. One day I will wake up next to you every morning. This is that, that is this. I am ready. I am yours.
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[08 Apr 2007|12:04pm] |
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I want a shining escalade.
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[06 Apr 2007|10:26pm] |
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I am making sacrifices.
These will be hard, but will make my life and the life of the people closest to me better.
Saving. Not saving for a rainy day.
But saving to pay the debts to my parents.
Saving, so I always will have a amount of money that will allow me to travel at the last minute.
I have discovered by having 2 of the most important people in my life 950kms away I need to do this. What if they need me one day? Sometimes a phone call isnt enough, what if I need to fly/drive to see them, if only for 1 hour? I need to know that I can be there for the people I hold so dearly in my heart.
I also am going to start to time manage.
Uni is getting way too crazy for me. Trying to keep up my artistic practice as well as study and complete artworks for assessment.
More time working on my university prac, less time wasting.
This all may sound lame. But I have to do it. I have to get through.
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[03 Apr 2007|04:01pm] |
And all our time together is tearing me apart...
I can't hold you tomorrow but, I hold you in my heart.
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[02 Apr 2007|05:33pm] |
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greatest.
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[20 Mar 2007|12:31pm] |
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I am pretty excited right about now...
As I am about to leave very soon to pick up Tess from the airport.
She has no idea that I am picking her up :)
She's been in Sydney.
In other news:
FOUR DAYS!
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[18 Mar 2007|07:20pm] |
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168.
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[16 Mar 2007|02:38pm] |
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Let's just say,
I am stressing out and not thinking about all the things I should be doing.
This in turn will all pop up when I get home and I will be in litral terms: Fucked.
You know. What can you do, enjoy life, barely get by.
I mean, I have to enjoy my last 5 months of being a teenager right?
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[26 Feb 2007|11:07pm] |
i love you so much. i never want to see you get hurt. and i know, that you know, what i mean by love. i just worry about you that is all.
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| and you know who you are. |
[25 Feb 2007|02:14pm] |
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Every single night when I am falling asleep, I think about you. Even if it is for one single second.
Then I count all my lucky stars and smile.
All the bad turns to good for these moments.
It's you who has kept me smiling.
It's you who has restored my faith in distance.
It's for you that I try not to make regrets.
To cherish every moment.
And in turn by learning this, in the times I am going to spend with you. None will be wasted.
You are truely without one single doubt, one of my best friends. One of THE greatest people I have ever come to know.
Never lose hope. Everything will be alright.
I love you for who you are
..and for what you inspire me to be.
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[22 Feb 2007|07:37pm] |
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Today I got excited when I found out that her photography studios are on the same level as my printmaking studios. I hope this means I get run into her in the halls and just see her more often in general.
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[21 Feb 2007|05:40pm] |
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and i had to stop on the street.
like i had to let go before going down the drive.
stopping, turning down the music. taking my moments.
tears and relief.
i know it's going to happen.
shatter into 1000 pieces, but i am so wrapped up in it, that i simply do not have the strength to control it.
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athambia's journal
